{"id":12668,"date":"2014-02-21T17:11:41","date_gmt":"2014-02-21T23:11:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/?p=12668"},"modified":"2014-02-21T17:11:41","modified_gmt":"2014-02-21T23:11:41","slug":"the-worlds-first-newlyweds-learn-the-facts-of-life","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/the-worlds-first-newlyweds-learn-the-facts-of-life\/","title":{"rendered":"The world’s first newlyweds learn the facts of life"},"content":{"rendered":"

By TED ROBERTS, the SCRIBBLER ON THE ROOF<\/em><\/p>\n

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Did Eve insist that Adam sweep out their cave? (We assume they slept in a cave \u2013 they were not tree-sleeping monkeys, you know.) I\u2019m betting that paradise or not, Eve had a \u201cto do\u201d list for Adam every morning. Eve, unlike my lovely wife who sprawls on a recliner, sat on a big rock and supervised.<\/p>\n

\u201cAdam, you didn\u2019t get that corner by the cave door \u2013 Adam, there\u2019s a cobweb on the ceiling.\u201d<\/p>\n

It was Adam this and Adam that while poor, overworked Adam longed to take a swim with Eden\u2019s dolphins. Fine paradise!<\/p>\n

Sometimes Adam revolted. \u201cI\u2019m first, you know \u2013 if it wasn\u2019t for me you\u2019d only be a thought in the Creator\u2019s mind. And besides, my ribs still hurt. And even more to the point, our Creator called YOU the helpmate, not me. How come I\u2019m doing the dirty work? You don\u2019t even cook and my stomach is still churning since you serve fruit every night. Not even a vegetable casserole, which our chief dietician, the Maker of fruit, veggies, and bouillabaisse, allows us to eat.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eve just sulked like your wife and refused to talk to Adam for the rest of the day. (But consider how lucky Adam was \u2013 NO IN-LAWS!! to barge in and start snacking at his banana supper. Not even an unemployed brother-in-law.)<\/p>\n

So, the days rolled on with little excitement except for the lovers occasionally shouting at each other. Then one day as the two were resting from their daily battle, Adam made an observation. \u201cEve,\u201d he said more gently than usual, \u201cyour middle section (he hadn\u2019t learned the word \u201ctummy\u201d yet) seems to be growing \u2013 it\u2019s pouching out a little bit.\u201d More insults, thought Eve. She ignored him except to point out that his stringy hair looked like \u201ca snake\u2019s nest\u201d.<\/p>\n

But over the following weeks and months there was no denying it. Her middle section was growing. \u201cYou\u2019re eating like one of those tigers in the meadow.\u201d \u201cNo I\u2019m not.\u201d \u201cYes you are.\u201d They thought about it all night. Three o\u2019clock in the morning, Eve, who wasn\u2019t dumb, said in a thin, gentle voice, \u201cAdam, my lord and master, you don\u2019t think it\u2019s that fun thing we do every night?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOf course not,\u201d said Adam, who thought himself the more experienced of the two. \u201cBut I gotta admit I never read that pamphlet, \u2018Conception\u2019, the Boss gave us the day he made you.\u201d<\/p>\n

Well, imagine their surprise when Eve continued to swell and one morning they woke up with three laying in the straw bed of the cave, instead of two. Remember this was before G-d had punished Eve with pain at childbirth. He just lay there \u2013 it was a \u201che\u201d – looking around at his brave, new world. A miniature of his parents just like a rabbit was a model miniature of his two rabbit parents and a baby fox reflected his two foxy parents.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a rumor that a midnight midrash informed the two human lovers of the techniques and mechanics expected of them and the sometimes results.<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no free lunch,\u201d as an economist said thousands of years later.<\/p>\n

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