{"id":17464,"date":"2014-08-01T15:39:05","date_gmt":"2014-08-01T21:39:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/?p=17464"},"modified":"2014-08-01T15:39:05","modified_gmt":"2014-08-01T21:39:05","slug":"siri-id-like-to-know-you-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/siri-id-like-to-know-you-better\/","title":{"rendered":"Siri, I’d like to know you better"},"content":{"rendered":"

By TED ROBERTS, the SCRIBBLER ON THE ROOF<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Ted_Roberts\"

Still, though we couldn\u2019t work on the Sabbath, we Jews like to boast of the contributions we\u2019ve made to the world: physics, medicine, music \u2013 all in a six-day week. The list is endless. You\u2019ve heard the story of the Jewish scientist who discovered a cancer cure, Friday night at 2:00 a.m. He was declared a heretic and they shredded his formula. You believe it?<\/p>\n

Well, why does no one brag about what one might call \u2013 to coin a phrase \u2013 \u201cuniversity ubiquity\u201d. I\u2019ve got Elijah on my mind. Elijah the prophet with a jonquil in his label, hand and hand with Spring, who reveals himself every Passover in every Seder (the Passover feast) in millions of Jewish homes. The same night at the same time in locations from Melbourne, Australia to Anchorage, Alaska. And by the way, he does this under the influence of eight million gulps of wine. Dead drunk and he still finds his way from Calcutta to Hushpuckinny, Mississippi. A violation of the temporal laws of the universe whispered in Elijah\u2019s ear by the Creator of those laws, who can bend them with his breath.<\/p>\n

Christians watched \u2013 how could it be \u2013 an omnipresent saint? Why couldn\u2019t they do the same? BAM! They came up with a jollier, overweight version of the same miracle. And basically he brought the same message \u2013 in the form of gifts instead of hope and Spring: Santa Claus! Somehow they learned the formula for the secret that the Creator of all had first given to the Jews a millennium earlier \u2013 the convoluted formula by which time is twisted to the Creator\u2019s purposes. And to trump Elijah this pudgy Christmas visitor even brought presents. We Jews were jealous of this infringement on our franchise. \u201cThey got it from us,\u201d muttered scholars in Israeli yeshivas all over the world.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d added one famous rabbi in Sefat, \u201che only ate a cookie instead of knocking back a jigger of wine. Our representative was full of wine and still did his duty \u2013 their man was cold sober.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight,\u201d said another sage, \u201cand he had those reindeer to guide him when he lost the way.\u201d (Some believe the magic of the GPS was prematurely revealed to both.)<\/p>\n

For years I\u2019ve been duly impressed with both miracles \u2013 not just the universal worldwide appearance of the two gifted messengers, but how did they detect the next Jewish or Christian home? Nobody puts up a sign, you know. Many Jews put a Mezuzah on the doorpost in memory of slavery days in Egypt, but not all. Christians? How could Santa
\ntell? He might blunder into a Buddhist home!<\/p>\n

For years I marveled at this incredible violation of logic. What was the trick? Only the Creator, himself, would originate such a manipulation of the orderly laws of nature dating back to Genesis.
\nTHEN \u2013 my kids, now grown and wise to the ways of the world, visited me. They bore strange hand-held devices called iPhones. And here\u2019s the chiller. Inside each device was the SAME LADY \u2013 in ten million phones at the same time!! Tradition loses again. Her name \u2013 Siri.<\/p>\n

Wonder if she\u2019s Jewish?<\/p>\n

She is blessed with the world\u2019s harvest of knowledge. She doesn\u2019t guffaw like the fat, jolly Christmas Eve visitor \u2013 nor is she silent like the solemn Elijah. She could answer
\nyour most difficult question. You could ask her anything \u2013 even personal questions dealing with her habits and inclinations. Ahem!<\/p>\n

Or, Siri, I\u2019d like to chat and have a drink with you \u2013 chat about my love life. But her answer was usually \u2013 sometimes \u2013 not all the time \u2013 dismissive. \u201cThat question is not appropriate.\u201d And unlike Elijah, if you asked her, \u201cSiri, I want to take you out for a nice supper and some exploratory conversation\u201d or \u201cSiri, I\u2019d like to know you better\u201d,
\nyou were restricted to a list of nearby kosher restaurants. Nothing more exciting than that. And that\u2019s not what I wanted at all.<\/p>\n

And remember, Siri lives and thrives and dispenses information simultaneously in a million devices. Pardon my irreverence, but our computers have outdone Elijah, Santa Claus, and how about even General Tso, the well-known oriental chef, who exists and cooks in every Chinese restaurant in every city of the world. Siri, how does<\/em> he do that?<\/p>\n

\n

 <\/p>\n

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