{"id":19223,"date":"2014-10-24T17:01:26","date_gmt":"2014-10-24T23:01:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/?p=19223"},"modified":"2014-10-24T17:04:13","modified_gmt":"2014-10-24T23:04:13","slug":"do-they-make-jewish-handkerchiefs","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/do-they-make-jewish-handkerchiefs\/","title":{"rendered":"Do they make Jewish handkerchiefs?"},"content":{"rendered":"

By TED ROBERTS, the SCRIBBLER ON THE ROOF<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Ted_Roberts\"

It began innocently enough. We were visiting my out-of-town daughter.\u00a0On such trips I\u2019m weak on logistics. Why? Because naturally her hubby has closets piled with clothes. So what if I forget a jacket or shirt or even male lingerie? \u201cBetty,\u201d I say to the daughter to whom I conceived in partnership with my wife. \u201cHey Betty, grab me one of
\nBill\u2019s shirts. I forgot to pack mine.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSure, Pop,\u201d comes the welcome response. Simple. So what if I forgot to throw a shirt or pair of pants in the suitcase.<\/p>\n

On our last trip I say, \u201cBetty, forgot my hankies, grab one of Bill\u2019s. I\u2019m running like the Kalikak River in Alaska when the ice melts in August.\u201d<\/p>\n

She looks at me with a pair of eyes that say, \u201cwhich old folks home do you favor\u201d and \u201ccan you afford 4K a month maintenance. And I hope it\u2019s a long way from here.\u201d I\u2019m puzzled. Why this look? All I did was ask to borrow a hanky and she gives me this scornful look. I\u2019m the father, she\u2019s the child. I\u2019ve been dissecting this world 30 years longer than
\nshe. (Besides, I was even going to return the handkerchief.)<\/p>\n

\u201cBill doesn\u2019t have a hanky,\u201d she says, \u201cand furthermore Jewish men who retain their freedom without attendants at the \u201cHappy Hours Home\u201d don\u2019t carry a handkerchief.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy Jews \u2013 or is this a universal axiom? What about Buddhists, Hindus?\u201d<\/p>\n

A look of disgust flattens her face. \u201cPop, nobody carries a hanky.\u201d<\/p>\n

What? They don\u2019t carry a hanky? Do they have a nose? Has the faucet concept derived by He who made nostrils suddenly become obsolete?<\/p>\n

Another withering look from the lady who married a man without a white cloth. And it speaks, \u201cNobody carries one anymore, old man\u201d!<\/p>\n

A dozen questions leap to my mind. Are noses no longer blown? What about the leakage problem? What if he wants to surrender to a highwayman? What if he spills soup on his pants before a key business meeting? (A little water, a little rubbing \u2013 problem corrected.)<\/p>\n

\u201cPop,\u201d she screams in frustration, \u201cmen carry tissue like Kleenex.\u201d I could shred a tissue in one blow, sneeze one into shreds with a single snort. Is she crazy?<\/p>\n

Reminding her of my senior status AND powers of observation, plus the fact that I, a normal-nosed American male with a drawer full of handy hankies \u2013 we make a deal. Like politicians, only we\u2019ll be honest, we\u2019ll poll the next ten guys we encounter. Guess what? I lose. None of these poor guys carry one of those square cloths. Certainly none under
\nfifty.<\/p>\n

As age encroaches you get more carriers. I guess because the need increases. Old faucets drip more \u2013 the washer wears out. Trembling hands spill more mayo from your hamburger. Summary: Not nearly as many men carry them. No doubt about it. (Based on my sample of ten.)
\nThe data is still somewhat tentative. Ah, the solution: A government Hanky Czar who scientifically collects data \u2013 feeds it back to the Hanky industry. Thusly, the supply will fit the demand. And anybody who blows their nose in one of the 10K pages of Obamacare goes immediately to jail, where the government has huge stacks of strong, available material.<\/p>\n

But drop the politics. I learned something. Young men don\u2019t carry hankies. How do they get by with it? Next; an investigation of how ladies are equally handicapped. Maybe the key factor is that middle-aged folks no longer blow their nose \u2013 it might fall off.<\/p>\n

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