{"id":29701,"date":"2016-04-22T17:07:32","date_gmt":"2016-04-22T23:07:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/?p=29701"},"modified":"2016-04-22T17:07:32","modified_gmt":"2016-04-22T23:07:32","slug":"poor-overworked-elijah","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/poor-overworked-elijah\/","title":{"rendered":"Poor, overworked Elijah"},"content":{"rendered":"

By TED ROBERTS, the SCRIBBLER ON THE ROOF<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIs it time already?\u201d said the slim, gray-haired man in jeans and the \u201cPesach Is Coming\u201d T-shirt.<\/p>\n

\"Ted_Roberts\"

\u201cBut sir, I\u2019ve been doing this for 3200 years. It was easy at first. Maybe 8000 households. I downed a few barrels of wine. But now, even with that time-manipulation trick you taught me, and the ultra large, expandable intestinal capacity you blessed me with, it is indeed laborious. Millions of glasses of wine. I\u2019m lucky to be a prophet with miraculous capabilities \u2013 or even on the first post-Pesach morning I\u2019d have a hangover that would bring down your holy mountain of Sinai. Let\u2019s cut the visits down to a million or so. Or at least let me relax, stay home, and read your Holy Book on that second Seder. Instead, let us send Jeremiah \u2013 he\u2019s hardened to future tragedies.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo!\u201d thundered the Lord G-d of Hosts. \u201cRemember TRADITION. And that means you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cAnd don\u2019t forget the brisses,\u201d added the overworked prophet. \u201cI must attend every one and your people are so<\/em><\/strong> fertile. And they seem to be overwhelmed with sons, not daughters. I never get a day off. And as you well know, I am the prophet who knows all of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. I surreptitiously sip a glass of wine at the Greenberg Seder table \u2013 all happy and harmonious with family smiles. But unseeable, I frown with gloom and frustration because I know that young Billy will break his leg playing basketball next week and Becky\u2019s coming down with the flu and soon there will be an empty chair where Bubbe now sits. A million visitations \u2013 a million tragedies. Sometimes I wish I were a well digger instead of a visionary.\u201d So complains Elijah. But annually, he continues to make his rounds.<\/p>\n

At my Seder we have a few tricks just to make sure the grandkids join in the Pesach spirit and discard their worldliness. \u201cYes, David, he does come to every Seder. Look at his glass of wine \u2013 it\u2019s half gone!\u201d There\u2019s nothing like spilling a hot bowl of knaidlach soup to distract a six year old. As the kids grow older and wiser it sometimes takes two bowls of soup. And while mama is cleaning up, a quick gulp of wine is not difficult. \u201cLook, Elijah must have been here!\u201d<\/p>\n

Year before last we did even better. I paid one of my grown sons to dress in a ragged shepherd (or prophet\u2019s) cloak \u2013 complete with staff. He marched in the back door and out the front. He tossed a friendly smile at the group clustered around the dining room table, then paraded out the front door.<\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s gonna be a great year,\u201d I announced. \u201cSee the smile on his face.\u201d<\/p>\n

Yes, we have a few tricks. Guess where I hid the afikomen last year? In the matzoh box, naturally. Just for fun I let the adults join in the quest. They mutilated the house. Prize: a 20-dollar bill. No winners, of course. Who would suspect my trickery? I bet even Elijah would be stumped. And I\u2019m sure he comes to 1521 Somerset Drive every year.<\/p>\n

\u201cWho was that?\u201d shouted the kids.<\/p>\n

Me, with a spoonful of soup halfway to my lips, \u201cOh, it was Elijah, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n

We\u2019re well known. Famous, you might say, in our neighborhood. \u201cThey actually saw Elijah at their Seder!\u201d say the gossips. The kids spread the word. Maybe next year, the Mosiach.<\/p>\n

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