By RABBI JOSEPH H. PROUSER<\/p>\n
<\/noscript><\/a>Hillel and Shammai debate how one is to dance before a bridal couple, when it is customary to extol the virtues of the bride (Ketubot 17A-B). Shammai maintains we should truthfully \u201cdescribe the bride just as she is.\u201d Hillel insists we declare: \u201cThe bride is beautiful and pious\u201d \u2013 even should we find her physically unattractive and less than spiritually or morally refined!! Tosafot explain that Shammai would not insult the bride, but would identify her most positive characteristics and honestly emphasize them. Hillel was concerned that by complimenting an isolated quality (\u201cNice eyes!\u201d), one implies through omission that the bride is lacking in other assets.<\/p>\nHillel understood what Professor Stephen Carter described two millennia later as \u201cthe insufficiency of honesty.\u201d The author of \u201cIntegrity,\u201d Carter wrote: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to tell people everything you know\u2026 Sometimes integrity is best served by keeping silent.\u201d Absolutizing truth\u2026 practicing unrestrained self-expression at the expense of others\u2019 feelings, shows a distinct lack of integrity. Our sacred task at a wedding is to support and applaud the celebrants, and to esteem the institution of marriage. To draw attention to the personal shortcomings of bride or groom \u2013 or gratuitously to derogate others \u2013 represents a moral and personal betrayal\u2026 however accurate our observations.<\/p>\nSometimes integrity requires that we dance around the truth!<\/p>\n(Rabbi Joseph H. Prouser is the rabbi of Temple Emanuel of North Jersey and the National Chaplain of the National Jewish Committee on Scouting.)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/noscript><\/a>
Hillel understood what Professor Stephen Carter described two millennia later as \u201cthe insufficiency of honesty.\u201d The author of \u201cIntegrity,\u201d Carter wrote: \u201cYou don\u2019t have to tell people everything you know\u2026 Sometimes integrity is best served by keeping silent.\u201d Absolutizing truth\u2026 practicing unrestrained self-expression at the expense of others\u2019 feelings, shows a distinct lack of integrity. Our sacred task at a wedding is to support and applaud the celebrants, and to esteem the institution of marriage. To draw attention to the personal shortcomings of bride or groom \u2013 or gratuitously to derogate others \u2013 represents a moral and personal betrayal\u2026 however accurate our observations.<\/p>\n
Sometimes integrity requires that we dance around the truth!<\/p>\n
(Rabbi Joseph H. Prouser is the rabbi of Temple Emanuel of North Jersey and the National Chaplain of the National Jewish Committee on Scouting.)<\/em><\/p>\n<\/noscript><\/a>
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