{"id":60405,"date":"2021-03-29T19:07:28","date_gmt":"2021-03-30T01:07:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/?p=60405"},"modified":"2022-04-16T05:21:29","modified_gmt":"2022-04-16T10:21:29","slug":"the-football-seder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/the-football-seder\/","title":{"rendered":"The Football Seder"},"content":{"rendered":"

By ALAN SMASON<\/p>\n

After autumn and football season was over<\/p>\n

And spring was about to arrive<\/p>\n

The thought of attending Sheryl\u2019s seder<\/p>\n

Was the big buzz on Airline Drive.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The Black and Gold were all now clamoring<\/p>\n

For a possible invitation<\/p>\n

To gather at the table of the biggest fans<\/p>\n

In all of the Who Dat Nation.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sean Payton was excited about Passover.<\/p>\n

You could see he was losing his cool.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can\u2019t wait to attend her seder,\u201d he said<\/p>\n

Her brisket makes me want to drool.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

The coach had heard of her gefilte fish<\/p>\n

That she grinds from speckled trout<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m a Who Dat,\u201d Sean shouted for all to hear<\/p>\n

\u201cAbout that there is no doubt.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cBut trout? No whitefish? No pike?\u201d he asked<\/p>\n

\u201cWho ever heard of such a thing?<\/p>\n

But when you taste it \u2013 oy yeh<\/em>!\u201d he said<\/p>\n

\u201cYou mouth will want to sing!\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Hearing his coach kvell<\/em> in that way<\/p>\n

Made Alvin Kamara curious.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy wasn\u2019t I <\/em>invited?\u201d the running back asked.<\/p>\n

The oversight made him furious.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So Alvin was mad and Sean was still edgy.<\/p>\n

Marshawn Latimore let out a scream<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m jonesing for matzah ball soup,\u201d he cried<\/p>\n

With those bowls full of aromatic steam.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Marcus Colston dreamed about matzah balls<\/p>\n

\u201cI hear that they\u2019re light and fluffy.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes,\u201d said, the coach, \u201cBut don\u2019t worry, my son,<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll find they are not too stuffy.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t need saucers of that salt water<\/p>\n

To recall the tears the Jews had shed\u201d<\/p>\n

Like the Who Dats don\u2019t need no bags on their heads!\u201d<\/p>\n

Was the thing Jameis Winston next said.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

In the locker room Erik McCoy was in shock.<\/p>\n

To his teammates he had listened intently.<\/p>\n

\u201cNeither you or Taysom is going to go.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t get your snap without me.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cI heard that her turkey is succulent and juicy<\/p>\n

After twelve years they won\u2019t let me punt.<\/p>\n

I need some dark meat and gravy right now!\u201d<\/p>\n

Uttered sad Will Lutz with a grunt.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

But then through the locker room\u2019s doors<\/p>\n

Came a rumble \u2013 the room started to shine<\/p>\n

There emerged a figure of a fiery god<\/p>\n

And on his chest was the number nine.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cHey, gang, there are three little guys and a gal<\/p>\n

They are mine and they are also Brittany\u2019s.<\/p>\n

We all need invitations to go,\u201d<\/p>\n

Implored the retired Drew Brees.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Before you could say \u201cNext year in Jerusalem,\u201d<\/p>\n

Dr. Anthony Fauci came in the scene<\/p>\n

\u201cThere\u2019s no way you can go to seder my friends<\/p>\n

Without your COVID vaccine.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u201cSheryl runs a tight ship at her seder<\/p>\n

And she wants everyone to plotz<\/em><\/p>\n

But you won\u2019t get an invitation this year<\/p>\n

Unless you\u2019ve had your shots!<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

So, the Saints who had not been vaccinated<\/p>\n

Including the coach left the room<\/p>\n

And Drew Brees is asking on behalf of his team:<\/p>\n

\u201cIs it possible to attend via Zoom?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\u00a92021 Alan Smason<\/p>\n

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