{"id":6043,"date":"2013-03-19T13:49:06","date_gmt":"2013-03-19T19:49:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/?p=6043"},"modified":"2014-04-13T20:01:45","modified_gmt":"2014-04-14T02:01:45","slug":"passover-poem-imaginary-seder","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/passover-poem-imaginary-seder\/","title":{"rendered":"Passover Poem: ‘Imaginary Seder’"},"content":{"rendered":"

IMAGINARY SEDER<\/strong><\/h2>\n

By ALAN SMASON<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve come up with a novel idea
\nFor the seder meal tonight
\nInstead of having real life folks
\nI know just whom to invite.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve scoured books and magazines
\nTo find Jewish characters within
\nI\u2019ve summoned the actors from movies and TV
\nAnd all their Jewish kin.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll start off with Shakespeare
\nAnd Shylock, a lender and merchant by trade
\nA man who wanted his pound of flesh
\nTo seal his bargain ill-made.<\/p>\n

Next Julius, Arthur and Leonard
\nThree brothers you might not know
\nUnless I call them by their stagenames \u2013
\nGroucho, Harpo and Chico.<\/p>\n

Ask them to sit with Jack Benny
\nWho has quite a way with a fiddle
\nWe\u2019ll urge him to play \u201cLove in Bloom\u201d for us
\nWhile Mary Livingstone sits in the middle.<\/p>\n

Next we\u2019ll invite Portnoy
\nWho is kvetching about his \u201ccomplaint.\u201d
\nIf you ever read Phil Roth\u2019s exploits of him
\nYou\u2019ll know he wasn\u2019t a saint.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll have to have Jerry Seinfeld, of course
\nJerry Stiller with converted wife Anne Mearer
\nTheir son Ben should be invited as well
\nAnd we must not forget Harry Shearer.<\/p>\n

We need to boldly go where no one has gone
\nSo William Shatner, Leonard Nimoy, \u201cMr. Spock,\u201d
\nWill join \u201cMr. Data,\u201d Brent Spiner
\nAs the Star Trek actors who rock.<\/p>\n

Two ladies we\u2019re asking will come single
\nDharma sans Greg; Grace without Will
\nPut cotton in your ears when Fran Drescher
\nArrives, with a voice incredibly shrill.<\/p>\n

We can ask the actor who played the Fonz
\nTo accompany the character named Rhoda
\nIt\u2019s just that Henry Winkler is really a Jew
\nBut Valerie Harper\u2019s as Jewish as Yoda.<\/p>\n

Seated next to them will be Kyle Broflovski
\nA character made famous from \u201cSouth Park.\u201d
\nHere comes \u201cKrusty the Clown\u201d and his father
\nThe rabbi who disowned him on a lark.<\/p>\n

Next to them are the members of the Pickles family,
\nThe \u201cRugrats\u201d Nickledodeon fans claim
\nThey make the way clear for Messrs. Howard and Fine
\nThe Three Stooges of Hollywood fame.<\/p>\n

Now, for those looking for a \u201chot\u201d satskie
\nNatalie Portman, Gweneth Paltrow, Sara Geller
\nAre bound to raise the heart rates of most
\nIncluding this red-blooded feller.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll make way for Broadway Danny Rose
\nAs portrayed by director Woody Allen
\nJackie Mason will certainly make the cut
\nBut unfortunately not Jimmy Fallon.<\/p>\n

Both Dinah Shore and Lauren Bacall
\nWill be next to come in through the door
\nThey may have had to change their names,
\nBut their talent kept us wanting for more.<\/p>\n

Milton Berle is dressing in drag
\nAnd George Burns is with his sweet Gracie
\nThey usher in Batwoman, Kate Kane
\nWhose attire is snug and so racy.<\/p>\n

Jake Gyllenhaal rides in from \u201cBrokeback Mountain\u201d
\nAnd sister Maggie has one \u201cCrazy Heart.\u201d
\nSeth Rogen, Shia Lebouef and Jonah Hill
\nCan\u2019t wait for the seder to start.<\/p>\n

Who should come in next but Magneto
\nA mutant who opposes Dr. X?
\nHe\u2019s followed by \u201cFriends\u201d Ross and Monica
\nBoth attractive to the opposite sex.<\/p>\n

It would seem that our table is too crowded
\nTo accompany any more guests
\nBut here comes Mr. Warmth, Don Rickles,
\nWho jabs us with put downs and jests.<\/p>\n

The best thing our hosts will consider
\nAnd should put them in a proper mood.
\nThese guests may arrive here in our minds
\nBut they won\u2019t eat one morsel of food.<\/p>\n

Well it appears there isn\u2019t a single seat left
\nSo, Elijah\u2019s the last one we need
\n\u201cChag Samayeach\u201d we say to each other
\nAnd from Egypt we\u2019re grateful to be freed.<\/p>\n

\u00a92012 Alan Smason<\/p>\n

\"Share