{"id":89774,"date":"2025-09-26T12:49:08","date_gmt":"2025-09-26T17:49:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/?p=89774"},"modified":"2025-09-26T12:49:08","modified_gmt":"2025-09-26T17:49:08","slug":"op-ed-we-can-feel-brokenhearted-for-the-suffering-of-the-children-of-isaac-and-of-ishmael-we-must","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/op-ed-we-can-feel-brokenhearted-for-the-suffering-of-the-children-of-isaac-and-of-ishmael-we-must\/","title":{"rendered":"OP-ED: We can feel brokenhearted for the suffering of the children of Isaac and of Ishmael. We must."},"content":{"rendered":"<p>By RABBI ANGELA BUCHDAHL<\/p>\n<p>(JTA) \u2014&nbsp;I have been a rabbi for 25 years, 20 of them at Central Synagogue, and I have never been so afraid to talk about Israel.<\/p>\n<p>I want to tell you about my unconditional love for the Israeli people and our beleaguered homeland, still desperately struggling to bring its hostages home, still trying to eliminate Hamas \u2014 terrorists that not only refuse to lay down their arms but intentionally trap their own people inside a combat zone.<\/p>\n<p>But if I tell you these things, all of which I believe, some of you will just stop listening. And decide that I\u2019m no longer your rabbi.<\/p>\n<p>I also want to tell you how my heart breaks over the civilian deaths, and tragic suffering in Gaza,&nbsp;the shattering destruction of Palestinian homes and cities. I want to denounce settler violence in the West Bank. And the rhetoric from far right government ministers who talk about annexation of the West Bank and expulsion of Gazans instead of ending this war and bringing our hostages home.<\/p>\n<p>But if I tell you these things, all of which I also believe, some of you will just stop listening. And decide that I\u2019m no longer your rabbi.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s scary to talk about this. Not because I\u2019m afraid of losing my job. But because I\u2019m afraid of losing you.<\/p>\n<p>This Israel conversation is ripping our community apart. Not just here at Central, but across the Jewish world. Among friends. Within families.<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s been the most painful experience of my rabbinic career. It\u2019s keeping me up at night, watching the world, and many in our community, lose all empathy for the State of Israel. And at the same time, watching so many of us lose all empathy for the Palestinian people.<\/p>\n<p>It now seems that any expression of compassion for \u201cthe other side\u201d is regarded with suspicion \u2013 as disloyal, or even threatening. Is our capacity for empathy so finite? Are our hearts so small, that if we increase our empathy for certain people, That we need to reduce it for others \u2014&nbsp;until one day, we conclude: that \u2018other side\u2019 is not deserving of any compassion? Any regard?<\/p>\n<p>This zero-sum, empathy calculus has encouraged us to dismiss and demonize each other. And not just in Israel\u2019s war, but in ideological battles being fought in our nation every day.&nbsp; I\u2019m terrified today \u2013 not only by the chilling rise in antisemitism, by frequent mass shootings,&nbsp;and the contagion of political violence, but also by people\u2019s responses. Over and over I see a shocking lack of decency or compassion, even for murder victims. People feel emboldened to say: \u2018They deserved it.\u2019 It\u2019s a cottage industry of schadenfreude, vengeance and even glee.<\/p>\n<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"The Cries of Isaac and Ishmael | Rabbi Angela Buchdahl | Erev Rosh HaShanah 5786\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" data-src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/rS5iVh94ugA?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" data-load-mode=\"1\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>Not only do people act as though empathy is finite, some people want us to believe that empathy is actually dangerous.<\/p>\n<p>Once upon a time, empathy seemed as unobjectionable and wholesome as motherhood and apple pie. Who could be against it?&nbsp; But in the last few years, an unlikely coalition of politicians, professors, even pastors have used it as a political weapon, calling it \u201ctoxic,\u201d and waging a \u201cwar on empathy.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>A Christian theologian published a book this year entitled \u201cThe Sin of Empathy.\u201d Empathy, he argues, demands we inhabit the feelings of another person, which doesn\u2019t help the sufferer. He offers a simple analogy: if someone is drowning in the river, empathy asks us to jump in alongside them, putting us both at risk. Whereas sympathy says, I\u2019ll keep my distance,&nbsp;stay on firm ground and throw you a life preserver.<\/p>\n<p>His analogy may sound reasonable on the surface, but in practice it has been wielded by many to dismiss the cries of victims, and to excuse indifference and cruelty. It\u2019s also used to justify some strange policies. For example, the pastor claims that women\u2019s natural tendency to excessive empathy is why they shouldn\u2019t be permitted to be ordained. I confess, despite being a woman, I don\u2019t have much empathy for that argument.<\/p>\n<p>But there are powerful people speaking out against empathy. This past winter, while leading an effort to eliminate much of our nation\u2019s foreign aid, Elon Musk declared that empathy is \u201cthe fundamental weakness of Western civilization,\u201d And that empathy was enabling \u201ccivilizational suicide.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Judaism says otherwise. Our tradition reveals that the real danger we face is not that we might have too much empathy. It\u2019s that we might not have enough.&nbsp;Our compassion \u2013 like God\u2019s \u2013 should have no limit. And we must extend it beyond \u201cour side,\u201d&nbsp;to encompass care for the other.<\/p>\n<p>The challenge of empathy is starkly illustrated in the Torah narrative we are instructed to read on the first day of Rosh Hashanah: the story of Hagar and Ishmael.<\/p>\n<p>God promised our first ancestors Abraham and Sarah that they would multiply and be a great nation, but after many years together, they have no offspring. So Sarah offers Abraham her Egyptian handmaiden, Hagar, to create an heir.<\/p>\n<p>When Hagar becomes pregnant, she acts disrespectfully toward Sarah, and the relationship between the women becomes so strained that Hagar flees. But with God\u2019s encouragement, Hagar returns and gives birth to Ishmael, Abraham\u2019s first son. Years later, Sarah finally gives birth to Isaac. And begins to worry that Ishmael is a threat to Isaac and his inheritance, so she demands that Abraham cast out Hagar and Ishmael.<\/p>\n<p>Abraham reluctantly agrees, and banishes them to the scorching desert where Hagar, who cannot bear to watch her son starve, weeps from a distance. A child is expelled from his home, left to die of hunger and thirst, while our ancestors seem to exhibit shocking indifference.<\/p>\n<p>We know Sarah bears some culpability for this terrible situation. And Abraham too. We can even fault Hagar for her early scorn for Sarah. But one thing is clear: it isn\u2019t Ishmael\u2019s fault. How could Abraham and Sarah not feel empathy for this starving child?&nbsp; We know God does. God hears Ishmael\u2019s cry, opens Hagar\u2019s eyes to a well of water, and promises her that Ishmael will become the father of a great nation, which the Abrahamic faiths recognize as the Arab people.<\/p>\n<p>This story might feel a little too close to home right now.<\/p>\n<p>And let me assure you: This Torah portion wasn\u2019t selected by some overly empathetic female rabbi. Our ancestors selected it centuries ago \u2013 to read on Rosh Hashanah \u2013 also known as Yom HaDin, the Day of Judgment. We read this story as our tradition asks us to take a cheshbon hanefesh, an accounting of our souls.<\/p>\n<p>How do you hear its message this year? How many of us, our hearts so aligned with our Israeli brothers and sisters, so finely attuned to the dangers they face, have become callous to a generation of Ishmael\u2019s children cast from their homes, wandering in a wilderness,&nbsp;many of them without enough to eat or drink?<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s clear to me that Hamas is fundamentally culpable for today\u2019s devastating situation \u2013 for starting this war on Oct. 7, for embedding themselves in civilian populations and under hospitals and schools, for executing hostages and refusing to return the remaining ones, for stealing humanitarian aid to fund their war.<\/p>\n<p>I also pray that the Israeli government is doing an accounting. So much criticism of Israel has been biased, even blatantly dishonest. But Israel made no secret of its food blockade from March to May \u2013 justifying its decision based on the abundance of aid delivered during the ceasefire. The blockade was an unsuccessful and unwise attempt to force Hamas to surrender.&nbsp;And Israel is responsible for its consequences.<\/p>\n<p>Some of you only fault Israel for this situation, and some of you only blame Hamas. But one thing is clear \u2014 it isn\u2019t the children of Gaza\u2019s fault. They did not start this war; they aren\u2019t responsible for antisemitism at the United Nations; or unreliable numbers from the Gazan Health Ministry; they didn\u2019t choose which photograph would be printed on the cover of the New York Times.&nbsp;Whether the hungry children of Gaza number in the hundreds, or the hundreds of thousands, matters far less than the simple fact that there are children who are suffering, exiled, and desperate. We cannot look away.<\/p>\n<p>And yet, when UJA-Federation of NY recently made a $1 million donation to IsraAid,&nbsp;a trusted Israeli humanitarian organization, working with the support of the Israeli government in Gaza many in our extended community publicly denounced this effort to feed hungry Palestinians \u2014 even though UJA has given over $300 million to support Israel since this war began. Some even went so far as to pledge that for this \u201csin of empathy,\u201d we should never give another dollar to UJA.<\/p>\n<p>What happens when we stop caring? And I don\u2019t mean what happens to society or to the world \u2014 I mean what happens to our souls? It is not only some of Israel\u2019s defenders who need to find more empathy. Many of Israel\u2019s critics also need to search their souls on this Rosh Hashanah. Within our community, there are those of us whose understandable grief for civilian suffering in Gaza has led us to take the worst accusations against Israel at face value, and for some, to abandon the entire project of a Jewish state.<\/p>\n<p>Too many of us cannot muster any empathy for Israeli families who have lived for two years under direct attack from Hamas, Hezbollah, the Houthis, and Iran \u2014 literally from every direction, who have faced security threats since the very founding of the state. Too many of us cannot spare any regard for the Israeli reservists, who have been away from their families for hundreds of days to defend the only Jewish state we have.<\/p>\n<p>Too many of us ignore that 80% of Israelis themselves want to see the hostages home and the war ended. They have been in the streets, weekly, to protest the actions of their own government. Instead, too many of us label all Israelis \u201coccupiers,\u201d and support boycotting Israeli academics, filmmakers, artists, musicians and scientists. There are members of our own congregation who are disturbed by our weekly prayer for Israel. Or who object to the Israeli flag on our bimah, even though the empty chair it covers stands for the 48 remaining hostages whose families still await their return.<\/p>\n<p>We all need to understand that feeling empathy for the other is not a betrayal of our own side. It is not disloyalty. We can feel brokenhearted for the suffering of the children of Isaac and Ishmael.<\/p>\n<p>Indeed we must. The biblical scholar Tikva Frymer-Kensky writes: \u201cThe story of Sarah and Hagar is not a story of the conflict between \u2018us\u2019 and \u2018other,\u2019 but between \u2018us\u2019 and \u2018another us.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n<p>We are all the children of Abraham. Hagar\u2019s name has the same spelling as ha-ger, \u201cthe stranger.\u201d She is the ultimate \u201cother,\u201d an Egyptian, a slave. But only a few generations later \u2014 it is the Israelites who are slaves in Egypt. We are the stranger. We are the other.<\/p>\n<p>Our Torah insists we never forget this. Our origin story as a people reminds us: \u201cDo not oppress the stranger, for you know the heart of a stranger \u2014 you were strangers in the land of Egypt.\u201d We recreate that memory every Passover. And when we feel glee at the death of our enemies in the Red Sea, God rebukes us: My children are drowning and you are celebrating?!<\/p>\n<p>And on this holiday, Rosh Hashanah, we are instructed to read the story of Hagar and Ishmael, so that we can begin our new year with an honest accounting of how we have treated the stranger, the other, the child.<\/p>\n<p>Rabbi Jonathan Sacks, of blessed memory, the former Orthodox chief rabbi of England, warned that: \u201cFear of the one-not-like-us is capable of disabling the empathy response. That is why this specific command [to love the stranger] is so life-changing\u2026 It even hints that this was part of the purpose of the Israelites\u2019 exile in Egypt in the first place.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This war has tested our empathy. All of us. I see the ways that my fear has disabled my empathy response. I still struggle to find the emotional bandwidth to read the tragic stories coming out of Gaza while my extended family is still held captive, while calls to \u201cblacklist Zionists\u201d or to \u201cglobalize the intifada\u201d still ring around the world, and even this city.<\/p>\n<p>But who do we become when we harden our hearts?<\/p>\n<p>Rachel Goldberg-Polin, whose son, Hersh, was taken captive on Oct 7 and held in tunnels for nearly a year before he was executed by Hamas, she more than anyone, would be justified in losing herself to rage. But instead, she had the courage to say: \u201cI can feel bad for the innocent in Gaza, because my moral compass still works. You don\u2019t need to choose.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>This Rosh Hashanah, we are invited to create the moral universe we want to inhabit. One where empathy is not finite but expansive. Where we see the suffering of the other and we do not harden our hearts. The opponents of empathy call it a weakness. Our Torah sees it as our superpower. Judaism teaches us that this feeling of otherness that we are feeling right now,&nbsp;there is a purpose to that exile \u2014 it is how we forge the heart of a stranger.<\/p>\n<p>A \u201cheart of many rooms,\u201d our tradition calls it.<\/p>\n<p>A heart that is big enough to care for our own, and the other. A heart that is strong enough to respond to the cries of both Isaac and Ishmael. A heart with empathy enough for ALL of God\u2019s children.<\/p>\n<p><em>This piece was originally delivered as a sermon titled \u201cThe Cries of Isaac and Ishmael\u201d at Central Synagogue on the first day of Rosh Hashanah in 2025.<\/em><\/p>\n<div style=\"padding-bottom:20px; padding-top:10px;\" class=\"hupso-share-buttons\"><!-- Hupso Share Buttons - https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/ --><a class=\"hupso_toolbar\" href=\"https:\/\/www.hupso.com\/share\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" data-src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\" src=\"data:image\/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAAAAACH5BAEKAAEALAAAAAABAAEAAAICTAEAOw==\" class=\"lazyload\" \/><noscript><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/buttons\/share-medium.png\" style=\"border:0px; padding-top: 5px; float:left;\" alt=\"Share Button\"\/><\/noscript><\/a><script type=\"text\/javascript\">var hupso_services_t=new Array(\"Twitter\",\"Facebook\",\"Google Plus\",\"Pinterest\",\"Linkedin\",\"Tumblr\",\"Email\");var hupso_background_t=\"#EAF4FF\";var hupso_border_t=\"#66CCFF\";var hupso_toolbar_size_t=\"medium\";var hupso_image_folder_url = \"\";var hupso_url_t=\"\";var hupso_title_t=\"OP-ED%3A%20We%20can%20feel%20brokenhearted%20for%20the%20suffering%20of%20the%20children%20of%20Isaac%20and%20of%20Ishmael.%20We%20must.\";<\/script><script type=\"text\/javascript\" src=\"https:\/\/static.hupso.com\/share\/js\/share_toolbar.js\"><\/script><!-- Hupso Share Buttons --><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ngg_post_thumbnail":0,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22],"tags":[663,8781,8790,8795,8788,380,6236],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89774"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=89774"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89774\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":89775,"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/89774\/revisions\/89775"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=89774"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=89774"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.crescentcityjewishnews.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=89774"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}