The Football Seder

By ALAN SMASON

After autumn and football season was over

And spring was about to arrive

The thought of attending Sheryl’s seder

Was the big buzz on Airline Drive.

The Black and Gold were all now clamoring

For a possible invitation

To gather at the table of the biggest fans

In all of the Who Dat Nation.

Sean Payton was excited about Passover.

You could see he was losing his cool.

“I can’t wait to attend her seder,” he said

Her brisket makes me want to drool.”

The coach had heard of her gefilte fish

That she grinds from speckled trout

“I’m a Who Dat,” Sean shouted for all to hear

“About that there is no doubt.”

“But trout? No whitefish? No pike?” he asked

“Who ever heard of such a thing?

But when you taste it – oy yeh!” he said

“You mouth will want to sing!”

Hearing his coach kvell in that way

Made Alvin Kamara curious.

“Why wasn’t I invited?” the running back asked.

The oversight made him furious.

So Alvin was mad and Sean was still edgy.

Marshawn Latimore let out a scream

“I’m jonesing for matzah ball soup,” he cried

With those bowls full of aromatic steam.”

Marcus Colston dreamed about matzah balls

“I hear that they’re light and fluffy.”

“Yes,” said, the coach, “But don’t worry, my son,

You’ll find they are not too stuffy.”

“I don’t need saucers of that salt water

To recall the tears the Jews had shed”

Like the Who Dats don’t need no bags on their heads!”

Was the thing Jameis Winston next said.

In the locker room Erik McCoy was in shock.

To his teammates he had listened intently.

“Neither you or Taysom is going to go.

You can’t get your snap without me.”

“I heard that her turkey is succulent and juicy

After twelve years they won’t let me punt.

I need some dark meat and gravy right now!”

Uttered sad Will Lutz with a grunt.

But then through the locker room’s doors

Came a rumble – the room started to shine

There emerged a figure of a fiery god

And on his chest was the number nine.

“Hey, gang, there are three little guys and a gal

They are mine and they are also Brittany’s.

We all need invitations to go,”

Implored the retired Drew Brees.

Before you could say “Next year in Jerusalem,”

Dr. Anthony Fauci came in the scene

“There’s no way you can go to seder my friends

Without your COVID vaccine.

“Sheryl runs a tight ship at her seder

And she wants everyone to plotz

But you won’t get an invitation this year

Unless you’ve had your shots!

So, the Saints who had not been vaccinated

Including the coach left the room

And Drew Brees is asking on behalf of his team:

“Is it possible to attend via Zoom?”

©2021 Alan Smason